Memories....

Dealing with Ron's death definitely showed me that I was a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be. I have always been a strong and independent person but there is only so much an individual can take. I realized also that Jesus was oh so closer than I really ever realized. I don't know why it takes such tragedy in our lives for us to realize the depths of the Father's love for us. GOD IS SO GOOD. IN THE GOOD TIMES AND THE BAD!!! I know that I am loved. I am loved by so many people that I could not name them all but from the bottom of my heart, I thank you. I could have never made it through so far this year and I would never have continued to make it.
Today has had me thinking of memories. I met Ron on a July 4th picnic. He was so handsome and he was such a gentlemen. He carried my chair down to where we were going to watch the fireworks and made sure I was comfortable. He was always like that toward me. He took care of me. Ron was old school. He was taught you take care of the women in your life. You think about the needs of others before your own and he usually always did just that!!! Time really does begin to dull the pain of loss. I ache for him in some small way everyday but at least now, I don't think about him everyday. I see him in our children, I see him in the beauty of the things that he has constructed around the house and in the garden. I also see him in the legacy that he left behind. I love my husband and whether I marry again or not, some small part of me will always love him.
As many of you know, Connor is Autistic and he doesn't talk a lot about his dad. We were in the garden the other day and he said"Will you be here when I have my 14th birthday party?" I said"What do you mean will I be here" Connor said"Will you be the d word?" I said" the d word?" Yes like Daddy, Connor stated. I started to put two and two together. He was wanting to know if I was going to be dead like daddy so I couldn't be at his 14th birthday party.Don't ask me why, he began thinking of these things. I pray for him everyday. I have so many unanswered questions about Connor's future. I may not have the answers but I know the one who does have all the answers.I serve a MIGHTY AND GLORIOUS GOD. I SERVE A GOD WHO LOVES ME UNCONDITIONALLY. I SERVE A GOD WHO HOLDS ME IN HIS ARMS AND ALWAYS IS THERE FOR ME.
I know he has great things in store for my precious boy. The key is trying to figure out the combination to Connor's puzzle called Autism!!!!