Here is the rest of the story...

Don't fear the darkness...Be a light!!! Isn't that a beautiful statement. I saw this on a bilboard today.. I have had so much darkness during this journey called grief. I posted my first post yesterday and I thought I would follow up with this post. As Paul Harvey used to say, here is the rest of the story!! 
People are strange. They try to imagine that they know what you are going through but unless you have had a spouse or child die, you don't know what it is like. When Ron died, I felt like a set of nesting dolls. I had a voice inside my head that started screaming and would not stop. I called that voice grief. I then had on top of that voice another voice that would try to figure out how I was going to pay the bills, teach the children, pay the insurance and on and on, etc.. I called these voices worry and strife and then I wrapped all those voices in a neat little package and I got up everyday and I took some Tyleno because grief would not be quite and I made preparations to bury my husband. I thought I was going to lose my mind. My sister gave me some wonderful advice, she told me just five minutes at a time, then thirty minutes then an hour until finally the day is over and maybe grief would let you get some sleep but it didn't, at least, not in the beginning. It has been eight months and I can finally say grief has stopped screaming in my head. GOD IS SO GOOD!! I can make it through a whole day without breaking down. Grief is a strange creature. I can be having a wonderful day and all of a sudden I will hear a song that reminds me of Ron, or I will see something that will trigger a memory and my day is shot.GOD IS GOOD!! When I have those days, I can see GOD with his arms stretched out saying COME TO ME MY CHILD.. YOUR BURDEN IS HEAVY BUT MY YOKE IS LIGHT!!! I had some really, really bad days during the holidays. I had thoughts and emotions a person shouldn't have to deal with but we do at times. GOD IS SO GOOD!! He was there every step of the way.  Now some of you might be saying"What about her kids? How are they handeling this?" My son during Christmas said the sweetest thing. We were sitting in the living room and he said"Momma, do you think Daddy might be having Christmas in Heaven" Without missing a beat, I said"Maybe son" Whatever makes him happy. He doesn't talk a lot about his Dad. He doesn't process his emotions like other kids do. My son is autistic and he is beautiful. Along with Ron dying, I have had to learn a new way to raise and teach my son. He has taught me so much on this ride called life. I have bared my soul on this one but I have done this to show others that they aren't the only ones going through grief. I pray that my blog can be a light to someone... plze don't live in the darkness, it is an awful place to stay. Always remember that we are exceedingly and abundantly blessed!!